[[NOTE: The second episode I wrote, where I introduce the character of "Brian" and a story a bit more focused around the character of Henry and his ails in friendship rather than a simple screwball story as I'd intended the first episode to be.]]
/SAD HENRY\
Episode 2: BB Gun
1983. April. Daytime.
Henry calls Brian.
Split-screen of Henry and Brian on the other line.
Henry: Brian, I just got the coolest thing!
Brian: A goatee?
Henry: No, still not yet. But this is way better!
Brian: What is it?
Henry: My dad let me have his BB Gun! Get a ride over here, we have to shoot stuff!
Brian: Sounds like a foolproof plan, I’ll be over in five seconds!
Henry: Okay, I’m so excited! Bye!
Henry hangs up. Immediately after, there’s a knock at the door.
Henry gets up and opens it. Brian steps in.
Henry: Let’s go out back now, I’ve got it all set up!
EXT. Henry’s backyard. Henry’s and Brian sit next to each other on the ground.
Brian: So we started acting like deep sea creatures. You should have seen my costume.
Henry: Sorry I missed it. Brad went off to college and I had to move all his stuff.
Brian: Yeah, the man at the counter went crazy and threw us out the door. Wait, what were we going to do?
There’s a pause. Henry takes out the gun.
Henry: Let’s shoot stuff.
Henry: What should we shoot at?
Brian: Uh…How about those soda cans?
Henry: Perfect!
Henry fires a few shots at the cans and hits them. The two cheer and high-five.
Brian: How about that street sign over there?
A street sign rests against a tree in Henry’s backyard. Henry fires a shot at it, and it hits the sign. The two once again cheer and high-five.
Brian: How about the sky?
Henry: Uh…okay!
Henry fires a shot into the sky. Nothing happens. The two pause, looking up for something to happen, and then cheer.
Brian: This is really cool. Can I try a few shots? I swear, I’ll give it back.
Henry: Sure man, take it away. Don’t shoot me! (Laughs)
Henry hands the gun to Brian.
Brian suddenly turns the gun on Henry, pointing it at his head.
Brian: Alright, hands up! No funny business, mister!
Henry: What the fuck?
Brian: I heard what you did to my girlfriend. You get your kicks on other people’s chicks, huh? I heard you had sex with her, twisted her arms around, nearly broke her joints. You get thrills outta abusing women, punk? HUH?
Brian kicks Henry in the groin, and Henry falls to the ground in pain. Brian points the gun at Henry’s head.
Henry: I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend! Who is she?
Brian: Justine Gregory! The hot babe with the big hair!
Henry: Oh, she’s pretty. Her hair is really big. How long you guys been going out?
Brian: Since Monday! Why, you thinking about sweeping her off her feet and having sick sadistic sex with her when I’m not looking?
Henry: No! Of course not, I was just wondering.
Brian: So you DID touch her? You son of a - !
Brian kicks Henry on the ground three times.
Henry: Brian, I swear I have never even exchanged two words with her.
Brian: But you probably exchanged one word to her, right? And that word was probably “Have sex with me, Justine, or I’ll beat you!”
Henry: That’s way more than one word, man. And I would never do that to anyone. I swear, I never touched her. I’ve never touched anyone! Look at my hands! No touch!
Brian: You swear on your life? ‘Cause if I find out you touched my girl…
Henry: Yes! I swear I didn’t! Just please don’t shoot me!
Brian pulls the gun away from Henry and relaxes a bit.
Brian: Okay, must have been Henry Stevens. (Pauses for a breath) I gotta go kill a baby, see you around.
Brian begins to walk away.
Henry: (To himself) That doesn’t seem right…
Henry replays the line back in his head. The footage is foggy like a dream.
Henry stands up and points an accusing finger.
Henry: Hey, you can’t kill a baby!
Brian turns around.
Brian: Did I say kill a baby? I meant to say kiss some gravy. I’ve got to go kiss some gravy. See you later.
Henry: Okay, see you later. (Waves)
As Brian walks away, the sound of him saying “kiss some gravy” loops in Henry’s head. Suddenly, the phrase changes to “kill a baby”, and Henry snaps back to reality, shocked.
Henry: Sneaky bastard…He DID say “kill a baby”. Too bad I’m so passive, or else I’d do something about it. Oh well.
Henry walks back inside the house, leaving the BB Gun on the ground.
CUT TO: Close-up of the newspaper headlines, reading “Breaking News! Local Baby Murdered!”
The newspaper is blocking the camera’s view as Henry holds it to his face, and he drops it out of frame and onto his lap. He looks ashamed.
Henry: I could have prevented that. But I’m just too passive…
Henry drops his head in his hands, and the screen fades to the credits.
The End.