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THOUGHTS 05/02/23

"It's May! Can you believe it???" - newscasters.

Actually, I can. Because here in Illinois it's felt like winter forever, but I'm hopeful things will get moving into a better direction soon. Here are some scattered ramblings!

*Say really nice things to people in an aggressive way. Rather than shouting insults, shout confusingly supportive things at people.

*When I was a kid, my parents had to tell me to "be more sneaky" and "fib" a little because my lil' neurodivergent self was getting myself into trouble and incriminating myself inadvertently... one can be TOO truthful...

*I like having an audience and I wonder if I would've pursued the creative/media arts if people had just paid more attention to me by default without me needing to GET their attention... why do we creatives usually get born out of a need to be seen? There's a common thing there I see in superstars who have terrible mental health relapses and I think it's got a lot to do with trying to use fame/stardom as a placeholder for the love we wish we'd been given by default, and as a means for us to feel valuable and in control SOMEHOW, because maybe there's something deeper inside us where that kid who didn't feel seen is still trying to convince the world we're worth seeing.

*I don't like small talk but I'll say and post shit like this and get existential with people and I'd do public speaking and TED TALKS if asked, yet I freak out and feel self conscious in mundane social situations and struggle approaching people...

What else... what else...

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