Why Hate? (5-14-19)

Updated: May 25, 2019

I recently received hateful comments on a video. Gave them a glance and that nauseous, dizzy feeling took over. I physically felt a chill through my body. I had forgotten what that felt like. But why - when this is something that so totally does not resonate with me or help me in any way, do I place so much focus on this hate? Why does it need to be there? I will never understand that kind of outward, aggressive hate because I have rarely ever felt compelled to expell that sort of unhelpful vitriol. Let's look a bit deeper - what did this experience do for me?

Well, it made me think a bit. It made me reflect if only a moment. Think about why they might've decided to use their voice to hate, and think about whether or not I incited it subconsciously, or if my video was a mistake, or if I should use that hate to drive me further. It poses questions and re-framing. It poses an experience - that ill feeling through my body which was unpleasant. What now? Well now, I am not experiencing that. I am not feeling that feeling. Now I am writing, with inspirational videos playing in a different tab. I'm hurt when these things initially happen, but I feel it's always important to have those experiences because I can become too drunk in the other side of things, which is the expecting of only the good. I need some dynamic to understand the contrast better, and for there to exist more shades within the dynamic lending to a greater understanding of the whole of the situation.

What do I do now? Not dwell. Focus on the myriad of new fans I HAVE GAINED, AND THE WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITIES UNRAVELING FOR ME, AND FOCUS ON THE JOY i EXPERIENCE WHEN i CREATE SOMETHING THAT TRULY RESONATES WITH ME, AND REVEL IN THE THINGS i'VE CREATED THAT i CAN REVISIT AND EXPERIENCE WITH A NEARLY OBJECTIVE POINT OF VIEW, OBSERVE THEM AND LEARN FROM THEM AND CREATE SOMETHING BETTER THE NEXT TIME. aND NOT GET TOO ATTACHED TO A SPECIFIC OUTCOME, BUT RATHER ENJOY THE PROCESS AND APPRECIATE THE OUTCOME THAT IS A RESULT OF THE PROCESS.

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